Want to build a closer relationship with your mother during this holiday season?

1. Wake up several times during the night. She misses you and wants to see you...for no apparent reason. Make sure only Mommy hears the cries...Daddy has to work in the morning.
2. You know that Daddy went to work early today. Mommy must be lonely and doesn't really want to shower and get ready all by herself. Call her into your room with a fake cry...for no apparent reason.
3. Repeatedly throw your lovey in hard to reach places. Mommy wants you to be attached to this thing in the silliest way possible...don't give up...she'll keep getting it for you because she loves you (or wants to get just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep).
4. While she's fixing a meal, don't leave her alone...she really wants you hanging on her pant leg. It actually makes her work quicker.
5. Keep losing your sippy cups. Don't worry that there's milk in there that could spoil. Mommy loves you so much that she'll keep looking for it until she finds it.
6. When she's getting dressed...stare at her breasts like you're hungry. It makes her laugh hysterically!
7. When Mommy is changing your diaper, remember to stick your hands down here as soon as she removes the dirty diaper. It's warm and squishy and Mommy doesn't mind cleaning the poop off your hands...she's already cleaning it off your tushie. No worries!
8. When Mommy is reading you a book, make sure to get as close to her face as possible. It doesn't matter that she can't read the pages, she's probably already memorized the book from reading it a million times. She's cool like that.
9. If you're done with what you're eating, clear your tray using your entire arm. Not only does it send a clear message that you're finished, but it makes room for dessert.
10. Whatever you do, realize that consistency is the key to making this relationship work. No matter how many times she tells you to stay out of the toybox, keep your fingers out of the outlets, not to push your sibling, and not to touch the dog's eyeball, she's really just looking for boundaries. Make sure you set clear and consistent boundaries that your mother will respect. Eventually, it will lead to an open and loving relationship that will continue for years to come.

Oh What Fun We Have!!!

You really think I'm going to listen to you just because you gave me this stick? This is just another reason for me to go play in the front yard by myself...without you...alone...get it? Now, please allow me and my stick to go now!

Dad, you went to the bathroom for 0.2 seconds, so we thought that we'd climb right into the Tuppe.rware drawer and rearrange it for you. This thing is really strong! It didn't even bend when Matthew got all the way inside! Good thing you came back though...he has no idea how to get out!

Yeah...I can use a fork now. I'm pretty cool, but I'm still not going to smile!

We love when Daddy reads to us. We love this story because there are Monkeys in it and we love Monkeys lately. Hailey is completely enthralled (as usual), but Matthew doesn't miss a chance for a cute photo op!

I may or may not having something in my mouth. If I do, I won't tell you anyway. If I don't, I'll let you keep thinking that I do so that I get more attention!

We're starting to think we eat better than Mommy and Daddy. Today Mommy prepared scrambled eggs, cinnamon and raisin English Muffins, and strawberries/bananas. She loves us so much. We know this because she tells us that she doesn't even cut up fruit for herself, so when she does it for us, it's extra special. We love her too!

It was just too quiet. We had to be quiet or Mommy would know what we were doing. Matthew wanted to get in here so he could reach the plugs...plugs are so interesting that we always need to touch them. It's a good thing that Mommy has such good instincts or Matthew's hair may be standing on end from electric shock!

Yeah...I climbed in here...so what? What? I'm driving you crazy? That's ridiculous...I can barely walk much less drive! Hahahahahaaaaaa....I'm so funny! Hailey tells me all the time!

Halloween 2009 - by Hailey

So, it's Halloween again. We don't remember last year because we were just little babies. We're much bigger now and were ready to enjoy Halloween. I will tell you about our day and then entertain you with some pictures!

We woke up and, as usual, Mommy and Daddy were very happy to see us. When they opened the window, I realized that it was kind of cloudy and drizzly out. This is not good Trick or Treating weather! We went downstairs, had breakfast, and got dressed really fast. We were going somewhere...this is always fun! Where were we going so early in the morning? Turns out Mommy had scheduled us for our flu booster at 8:30 in the morning. That's not very Halloween-y of her, right? Sheesh! Anyway, the shots were annoying...the lady who did it was nice though. We both cried at first, but then put a brave face on for the other kids in the waiting room. When we got home, we were exhausted! We went right up for naps and slept right through the neighborhood celebration. When we woke up, we had lunch, played for a little bit and were so tired that we went right back to sleep! Yikes! I guess those shots knocked us for a loop!

When we got up in the afternoon, Mommy brought these cool looking bags into our rooms. One had a picture of a kitty on the front and one had a picture of a puppy on the front. I immediately knew which one was for me and asked Mommy to put my costume on. She did...she's cool like that. Matt didn't want his on at first, but once he saw how cool I looked, his tune changed. He casually backed himself onto Mommy's lap and gave her his hat. When we were both dressed, we went outside with Mommy and Daddy for pictures. We had so much fun being outside. Good thing we hurried though...it started to rain again! We took some more pictures inside and then had to get out of those costumes...they were HOT!

We had dinner and Mommy and Daddy let us have some chocolate. I'm not kidding when I tell you that now I know what Heaven is like. I have never been so happy as when they put that chocolate in my mouth. We waited for trick-or-treaters, but only a few came. Mommy put our costumes back on after dinner, so we looked really cute for everyone. Maybe next year they'll take us out! Here are our pictures from Halloween!

No biting!!! By Matthew

That's my new facebook profile pic...like it? So, Hailey and I were playing in the basement after lunch yesterday. She just started walking full time, so it's more fun to be around her...she's not always underfoot! Mommy was down there, but she was pretty tired. I think I was too, but I can't remember...they say my short term memory will get better, but I don't know what's going on half the time!

So, we were playing with all of our toys. We are pretty lucky because we have lots of choices. Hailey was playing with the bead toy (not really sure what it's called, but it's a bunch of different colored wires with beads on them...they have them at the library and the doctor's office...they're cool). I was in my car acting pretty cool when I decided that I wanted to play with the beads too. Now, if there's one thing that I've learned about Hailey, it's that she doesn't really like to play with me. She thinks I'm too rough...I told her that's just the way I am and that she needs to accept me for who I am...she laughed and walked away. Anyway, I walked over to the bead toy and proceeded to knock her down so that I could play with it. The way I figure it, if she doesn't want to play with me, she can get out of my way. Mommy started to get mad at me for knocking Hailey down...rightfully so...it wasn't very nice.

So, I'm standing up at the bead toy and Hailey is on the floor. By this point, she's crying because she's mad at me. It must be a woman thing...crying out of anger. Mommy was annoyed at what I had done, but then Hailey decided to take things into her own hands. She grabbed my butt and sank her teeth into it! She's a biter, but I had no idea she'd sink this low! I was really shocked...not shocked enough to stop playing, but shocked enough to decide this was blog-worthy.

Mommy couldn't believe her eyes. She said, "Hailey, no biting!" Hailey ignored her and kept her chompers right where they were. Then I realized something...not only did I have a diaper on cushioning the teeth, but I had also taken a nice poopy after lunch. I'm sure that Hailey didn't anticipate that when she bit down on my butt cheek! I think Mommy realized the same thing that I did because she stopped yelling and just kind of laughed. It is pretty funny if you think about it. Maybe that will teach her to stop biting!

I don't know if Hailey knew what was going on, but she did have a look on her face afterward like she had eaten something bad...if she only knew!

Go Yankees!!!! Too bad Daddy is a Phillies fan...hahahahahahahahaaaaaa!! Mommy gets to dress us!

Monkey Boy

That's Matthew's new name...Hailey (i.e. Monkey Girl) isn't far behind...although you couldn't tell by the shock and awe registered on her face in these pictures. They are (of course) captioned with what I think they are thinking...if only I really knew (sigh)!

Okay, I know it doesn't show on my face, but I am really psyched that I made it all the way up here! I have been working on this since yesterday and here I am! If I keep going at this rate, I'll be driving by age 7!

I am really wavering between insane happiness and complete panic. How the hell do I get down from here!?!

Nothing about this feels good...he's a good 12 inches off the ground, crying and laughing at the same time, and doesn't have a clue what he's gotten himself into. I can only predict that we will go through this situation about 60,000,000 times in the next two weeks...until his legs get long enough to actually reach the ground.

Is this a good way to get down? Can I back down? I really don't know what to do...

Mom, you're really going along with this? I'm shocked! I truly can't believe it! Oooooh...this means trouble!

So, you're saying that if I wanted to do that, you'd let me? For real? Hmmm...this kid might be on to something after all!

Okay, maybe if I put my foot down first and scootch my way forward...pleeeease let this work! I'm getting hungry!

By God! I think he's on to something!!! Go Matt!!!

Look, I brought a book with me...I could stay up here for days!

Yeah! Do that! Stay up there for days!!! That way I can have Mommy all to myself!!! You have the BEST ideas, Matt!

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...well, only the automobiles!

Look out world! Here I come!!! This is awesome!

This is how you get out, right? What's that? You want me to "sit down?" I can't hear you over the roar of my engine!

I gotta get in on this...driving is a very important skill for a 13-month old!

Fill her up...regular, please!

Oh yeah...this is what I'm talking about! Woo hoo!!!

Do you know how to parallel park? This is hard! Maybe we shouldn't park it in the jungle! Haha!!!

My Butt Hurts

H: Ouch...my butt hurts!
M: Mine too! What the hell is this?
H: Oh no...I have to poop again...
M: Again? That's like the third time this morning!
H: Holy shit!!! It's burning!!! Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Mommy: Did someone poop?
M: She asks that question a lot.
H: Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh...I did! Please help me! Get it out!!!
Mommy: Okay, let's change your diaper.
H: I'm nervous...that did not feel normal. Please be gentle.
Mommy: Oh, Hailey...this must hurt a little bit.
H: Yikes! A little bit??? What are you wiping me with woman? Sandpaper??? OUCH!!!
Mommy: Almost done...I just need to clean you up a little more. This was a messy one!
H: Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...must get away.
Hailey proceeds to flip over and crawl away with bare ass out for all to see.
Mommy: Hailey, please come back here...I need to put a diaper on.
H: No freaking way! It hurts too much! I need some air...air will make me better. Please don't touch it again!
Mommy: Come on...it'll be fine.
H: What the hell is on your finger? What's that white stuff? Why are you rubbing it on my butt??? Did I not mention how much it hurts??? OUCHHHHHH!!!
Mommy: Just have to fasten your diaper and then we're done.
H: Oooooh...I kind of like that white stuff. It feels good. Thanks Mommy!
Mommy: All done...go play.
M: Was it that bad?
H: Oh yeah...it was like sitting on hot sand.
M: Yikes...uh oh...
H: Oh no...you too?
M: Yup...holy cow...now I get why you were so upset. This is torture! I'm doing it to myself and I can't stop!!! OUCH!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP ME!
Mommy: Did someone poop? Who pooped? Matthew? Again? You poor thing!
M: Poor thing, my ass! Why is this happening? Why can't I stop pooping??? OUCH!!!
Mommy: Let's change your diaper.
M: No way! I saw what you did to Hailey and I watched her try to deal with the pain...I'm not that strong. Please don't make me!
Mommy (now lifting Matthew up and onto the blanket which is protecting the rug from all of the poop and escaping kids): Come on...I have to take care of this right away.
M: No, no you don't...I can wait...just let me prepare myself.
Mommy: Ooooh...this one is really bad.
M: No shit! I could have told you that! It's like sitting on a herd of porcupines!
Mommy (now holding Matthew in what could only be described as a wrestling move): Okay, let me clean you up. This will only take a minute if you lie still.
M: No way! I'm outta here! Let me goooooo!!!! I need to get away!
Mommy (now sweating and out of breath): Just one minute...I'm almost done!
M: Mommy...please...I can't take it. I am about to pass out from the pain you're inflicting on me. Why do you hate me so much?
Mommy: Okay, here's a new diaper.
M: Ha...a chance to escape. Here I go!
Mommy (running after Matthew with a diaper and a finger covered with Desi.tin): Please come back here...you're going to pee all over the house if we get a brisk wind and I am not cleaning that up! Not on top of all of this poop! No way!!! GET BACK HERE!!!!
M: Hmmm...maybe I should stop and let her finish. On second thought, this wind feels good on my butt...I'm going to keep going. She'll get me eventually. She always does.
Mommy (finally getting to Matthew after jumping over a strategically placed Hailey and tripping on the dog): Okay, let's finish up.
M: Oh. my. God.!!!!!! What is that white stuff and why are you rubbing on the part of my butt that hurts the most??? What is wrong with you??? Seriously, why do you hate me so much??
Mommy: Okay, all done. Now I just have to get your pants back on.
M (escaping from Mommy's clutches): NO WAY!!! I'm outta here!!!
Mommy (wiping her brow and straightening her clothes): Fine...it's almost nap time anyway.

2 seconds later.

Mommy: Did someone poop?

It's a neverending cycle!!!!!!!!