H: Matt, Mommy and Daddy are cleaning...what's up with that?
M: I don't know...that rarely happens...I thought I heard Daddy say something about someone coming to visit.
H: Oh sweet! I can't wait to meet new people. I mean Mommy and Daddy are okay, but we need some new faces, you know?
M: I'm with you...you can only smile at the same person so many times before it feels contrived!
H: Okay, let's pretend to nap for a while and we can talk about how we're going to act cute for our guests...we really need to sell it!
One hour later...
H: Okay, they're getting here soon...let's get Mommy and Daddy to feed us so we're all ready for our guests.
M: Yeah baby! I'm starved! Mommy just got out of the shower though...shouldn't we wait for her to get her makeup on?
H: Alright, but she's not drying her hair!
10 minutes later...
H: WAH! WAH! WAH!!
Daddy comes in, changes the babies, and brings them downstairs. Mommy is bitching about how she's going to look like a drowned rat and Daddy is trying to calm her down by telling her she looks great...she knows the truth, but has no choice but to feed the babies.
15 minutes later...the guests arrive.
M: Hailey, they're here!
H: I know...and we're not even finished eating! Quick, finish your bottle so we can greet them!
M: Slurp, slurp, grunt, slurp...
H: Okay, I'm done...oh no...I've got a gigantic bubble in my chest. Time to deal with all of that patting.
M: I'm done...BURP! Good, now I'm done with that too. Look, they love us...they think we're cute!
H: I can't...trying to burp...ugh...this hurts!
M: I'm getting passed off...quick Hailey...don't get left behind!
H: BURP!!! Okay, who wants me...oh no...I spit up...now no one will want to hold me!!!
M: Hahahahahaha!!! That sucks for you!
H: Oh no...Mommy is changing my outfit...in front of our guests! I'm so embarrassed!!!
M: Who cares? I'd take my clothes off for free right now!
One hour later...
H: I'm so tired...I can barely keep my eyes open.
M: I know...I keep pinching myself so that I can stay downstairs with our new friends.
H: That's a good idea...oh no...too late...they're taking me upstairs!
M: So long sucker!
15 minutes later...
M: Oh no...they're putting me in the swing so they can eat...I can't fight it...need to sleep...maybe just for a little while...zzzzzzzzzz.....
H: Okay, time to get up! Who wants to hold me! What? You're eating dinner now? You're putting me in the bouncy? Why the hell did I get up then? This sucks! Matt...wake up!
M: Wha? What happened? What's going on? How did you get back down here? How long was I asleep? Why did you wake me up?
H: This is an emergency...they're eating and no one is holding us!
M: You're kidding...we can't stand for this!
H: I know...do something!!!
M: WAHHHHHHH! That should do it.
H: Ummmm...I think they're ignoring you thinking you might go back to sleep...look, here comes Daddy and he's putting the plastic thing back in your mouth...guess it didn't work!
M: Oh yeah? Wait until you see how red my face gets...guaranteed he get worried.
H: Holy cow! That's not normal! He's telling Mommy...they probably think you're choking or something.
M: Okay, that was the longest I held my breath - EVER! Cool...Mommy is going to pick me up...I'm going to eat with the adults! What is "eating" anyway?
H: You sold me out with your "red face" act. I need to think of something...
15 minutes later...
H: Ooooh! Everyone is coming back into the living room! Hello all! How was dinner? Who me? I'm fine...just hanging out.
M: Look, they're making bottles.
H: I wouldn't be so excited...at this time of night and since we've slept so little, bottles will do nothing but make us tired.
M: Oh crap...I forgot about that.
20 minutes later...
H & M: So sleepy...bottles soooo good...can't stay awake...good night guests.
M: Great, they're changing us in front of our guests again.
H: NOT THE DIAPERS!!! IS NOTHING SACRED???
30 minutes later...babies are upstairs and have actually fallen asleep...they hear the guests leaving...
H & M: GOOD NIGHT GUESTS...THANKS FOR COMING OVER AND HOLDING US!!!
This translates to Mommy and Daddy as "wah, wah, wah...we're up again" and they come running upstairs to put us to sleep.
H: I bet I can stay up longer than you tonight...Mommy and Daddy want to spend more time with me...I just know it.
M: Good luck with that...I'm going to sleep!
H: wah, wah, wah...yes, my slaves...tuck me in again...hahahahaa!