Does she really think that taking us shopping will help?

M: I can't believe she's putting us down for our morning nap...I'm not really tired.
H: Well, I am...I'm going to sleep for about 45 minutes. Wake me up then, okay?
M: Okay...I'll just lie here and grunt. Oh cool...Mommy's getting in the shower...she'll be up for anything.


45 minutes later


M: Hailey, wake up!
H: What's that sound?
M: I think Mommy went down to dry her hair...she didn't want to wake us up.
H: Silly Mommy...doesn't she know there's a clock in here...we are in control of our own sleep patterns... not her!
M: Let's get out of here...WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
H: Wah! Wah! Wah! I'm still a little tired...I'll let you do most of the work!
M: WAAAAAAHHHH!!! ARRRRGHHHHH!!!

Mommy enters the room...hair half dry and half wet.

M: Oh Mom...that's a new look!
H: Gross! I hope she's not leaving it like that!
M: Oh great...she's wrapping me back up like a burrito...why does she do this?
H: She's shoving that stupid plastic thing in my mouth!!! Gross...I'll spit it back out! Shit! She's shoving it back in! I'll allow it only because I don't want her hair staying like that!

10 minutes later

M: I'm freaking BORED!!!
H: Me too...what do you think she'll do with us if we get up right now?
M: Let's find out! WWWWAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Mommy enters...hair is now dry, but quite frizzy...she hasn't gotten to the straightening iron yet.

Mommy: Okay, guys...let's get out of here. I have to get dressed and then we'll get moving.
H: Get moving? What the hell does that mean?
M: Maybe she's going to make us lie on our tummies again...I'm getting pretty good at that.
H: Well, I'm not! I just lie there and lick and blanket!
M: I am the best...I get my head so much higher than you! I puke a lot, but I'm still better than you.
H: That's because I'm not trying! Ooooh, I just pooped. Mommy should enjoy that little surprise. She always acts so happy about poop...it's poop! What's so exciting?
M: It's exciting for me!
H: You're weird.

Mommy enters...she's now dressed, hair is straight, and she smells yummy. Babies get changed, into carriers, into car, and into Kohl's. Babies are great at Kohl's...they are cute for all of the interested parties and don't cry the whole time. They even allow Mommy to pile things up so that they can't see her anymore. It's only because there are Christmas presents for them in the bottom of the stroller. Then we walk to the car and they start bawling...must be getting close to feeding time at the zoo.

M: Cool, we're home...I'm freaking starving!
H: Me too...which one of us should tell her?
M: I think we should both tell her...I'm sick of being the heavy.
H: Okay.
H & M: WAAAAAHHHHH!!! DON'T PLAY WITH US...FEED US!!! GET US OFF THIS FREAKING FLOOR AND ONTO THE BOPPY PILLOWS...GET A NIPPLE IN OUR MOUTH!!!
M: Oh my God...I'm really starting to freak out...I don't think I've ever screamed this loud...I can't stop...oh shit...there go the tears...real tears! I'm losing my breath! I'm coughing! This is ridiculous! I can't pull it back!!!
H: You're insane. Calm down...she's getting the bottles right now.
M: (now nearly hyperventilating) I can't stop Hailey...please help me...I can't breathe...MUST EAT NOW!!!

Mommy enters with two bottles and shoves them in the babies' faces.

H: Mmmmmmm....good....so groggy that I can't keep the bottle in my mouth.
M: Arrrghhhhh...grunt...grunt...grunt...stop talking...you're disturbing my digestion.
H: Did she really think that Kohl's would help?
M: Rookie.