Conversations Between H & M - from a Mom's POV

Retirement

2010-04-06T17:54:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to retire this blog...it was a secondary blog in the first place...everything I do on this blog, I do on my regular blog. Hmmmm...yeah...I'm gonna do it! You can find all of my daily rants here @ Unexplained X2. Catch you on the flip side!

Partners in Crime

2010-03-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Negotiating for lawn mower rights...

Matt: I get to use the pink lawn mower if you get the pink hat.

Hailey: DEAL!

Matt: Ha! I love when things work out my way!

Hailey: You win some, you lose some...at least I got this cool hat.

Matt: These buttons? You don't want me to touch these buttons??? Can you just tell me one more time...I keep forgetting!

Matt: Are you sure you don't want me to touch these buttons? They're right at my level though...are you sure???

Hailey: What? I'm not doing anything...I'm just standing here. No, I didn't tell him to do anything...why would you think that? You don't believe this innocent little face?

The Modern Woman

2010-03-02T11:24:00.001-08:00

The Modern Woman does not need her brother to sit in time out with her (but it's nice sometimes).

The Modern Woman can multi-task. Yes, I can walk the baby in the stroller while I mow the lawn. Can't you?

The Modern Woman knows what she wants and knows how to ask for it. The Modern Woman is not ashamed to show her happiness...she's proud of it!

The Modern Woman can give herself a yogurt facial during lunch...maximize your time, ladies!

The Modern Woman is always easy to reach. Her cell phone is just an arm's length away...call me!

Happy Valentine's Day from M & H

2010-02-14T11:40:00.000-08:00

We feel that we've been neglecting this blog lately, but we've been really busy learning how to walk, run, and talk. We get along pretty well, but Matthew still likes to snatch anything that Hailey has and Hailey uses biting to defend herself. We're working on that...we may try couples counseling, but we'll let you know. Here are a couple of pictures from Valentine's Day. Mommy was sweating after trying to take our pictures (we still can't figure out why she thinks it's so hard), but we think she did a pretty good job.

Oh! Presents? For us? We're so lucky!!!

I love my Princess wand...unfortunately, so does Matthew. He keeps trying to take it away from me and I just can't figure out why he wants to be a princess!

My "wand" is pretty cool too b/c it actually lights up. I intend on spending countless hours studying how this works and then I will dismantle the entire thing and put it back together...it's the engineer in me!

We got cards! I mean, the cards are okay, but we're really into ripping apart the envelopes.

Yup...I'm Mom's Lil Romeo. Oh, and I love this monkey!

Mommy said this was the only decent picture she could get of us together. She's such a drama queen!

I'm sad and the only one who could understand was my monkey. You see, Matt took my Princess wand again and I just don't know how to get it back. You understand, don't you Monkey? I love you, Monkey. You wouldn't steal my wand.

I can't explain it either. Yes, I'm a boy, but I just can't get past this Princess wand. It's so cute and the noise that comes out of it is magical. I guess that made me think it was real b/c I spent 10 minutes banging it against my head wishing it would turn me into a frog!

I got it back! I hope he doesn't take it from me again. Yikes...hope he doesn't try to steal my sequined heart shirt too! I love this shirt!!!

I'm on the hunt...must find more wands!

Laughing...This Girl Loves to Laugh (sometimes)

2010-01-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

I guess Nu.tella brings out the best in her!

Can You See Me? I'm Hiding...

2010-01-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

Just Because It's January 6th - a typical morning and breakfast (with forks)

2010-01-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Good morning, sunshine!

What? I'm not doin nuttin...

I swear...if he doesn't give me one of those books, I'm going to slam my head against this dresser...I'll do it!

Why would I give her one of these books when I just got them?

Okay, then can I have one of these books? PLEASE!!! Throw me a bone!

Fine...I'm getting one of these...it's mine, buddy!

Yeah...she's not getting anything from me...won't happen. What's that? Share?
Sharing is for suckers!

Come on!!! Please give me one!!!
Yes, this is how we spent the first 10 minutes out of bed...fighting over these stupid books that no one cared about until this morning.

Mmmm...I got a fork. I got a bowl of bananas. I got my fork to pick up one of those bananas and now it's actually making its way to my mouth. Could life get any better?

This isn't as easy as you adults make it look. The food keeps falling off the fork!

Satisfaction...I finally got the banana into my mouth. I may conquer this after all!

She just took this because I smiled...I don't do that a lot, so she captures it when she can. I like to throw her a bone every now and then...it makes her keep trying.

Yes, I put these "bracelets" on my own wrists...aren't they pretty? Are you jealous? You could look like this too if an entire Fisher Price factory was in your living room. Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous...what can I say?

Wow! My hands got big...and red...and furry! Wait...what's going on here!?! These things are totally cool!

Can you tell we need to investigate toy storage? That's happening after the Christmas tree makes its exit this weekend...we need organization! Any suggestions (under $250) are welcome.

Well, Happy New Year to me...by Hailey

2010-01-03T11:24:00.001-08:00

For New Year's Day we were going to visit my Daddy's family in PA at my Aunt Christine and Uncle Ryan's house. The drive is about 1.5 hours, so Matt and I figured that we would take a little snooze on the way up and be set for the day. It was perfect sleeping weather...not too sunny and Mommy and Daddy had the heat just right. I woke up a little early from my nap. I'd say we had about 30 minutes left in our trip (pretty smart for a 16-month old, right?). All of the sudden, something happened.

Hailey: whine, whine, whine
Daddy: Is she okay?
Mommy: Yeah...probably just sick of being in the car. She's fine.
Hailey: whine, whine, wine
Daddy: Are you sure?
Mommy: Yup...she's just bored. I'll give her a sippy of water.
Hailey: slurp, slurp, slurp, whine, whine, whine
Mommy: Okay, maybe she's more bored than thirsty. I'll give her my keys...that works every time.
Hailey: Oh, yay...keys...wait a minute...cough, gag, cough, gag, puke, gag, cough, cry, cry, cry, cry.
Daddy: Are you sure she's okay?
Mommy (now putting lipstick on): Probably...they've been doing this fake choking thing...give it a minute. Since she's crying, I can tell she's breathing...she's fine.
Hailey: crying....waaaaahhhhh...someone look back here...something terrible has happened!!!
Mommy (continuing to put her lipstick on...what's with this woman?): Wait a minute...pull over at that welcome center. She puked.
Daddy: She what? How do you know? Suddenly, the smell hit him. Oh...how in the world did you see the Welcome Center? I've never seen that before.
Mommy: I don't know...Mommy Vision, I guess.
Hailey: Ummm...can someone please do something? There is gross stuff all over me!
Matthew (just waking up): What's going on? What is that smell? Gross!!!

Car stops and Mommy and Daddy get out to survey the damage. Mommy starts giving directions and Daddy jumps right in to help Hailey.

Hailey: whine, sniff, whine, sniff...this is really disgusting Mommy. Please help me.
Mommy: Okay, baby...we're going to get you out of here. I just need to remove this huge chunk of cheese stick from you first (Hailey has started to shove her food down when she sees Matt coming...he steals it). Oh, this is gross...it smells horrible.
Daddy: I'm going to take the stroller out of the trunk so you can change her there. Then I'll finish cleaning up her seat.
Mommy: Okay, Hailey. We've got to get you out of the seat, so just don't touch anything (lotta good that did...it was everywhere).
Hailey: I'll do my best...where are we going anyway? It's freezing outside and I'm soaked in my own vomit. Could this day get any worse?
Mommy: Stand here for a little while (putting Hailey on the ground), I've got to remove larger chunks before I can get your shirt off.
Hailey: Okay, but this is a little scary. It's windy and cold and there are huge trucks all over the place.
Truck: Psssssshhhhhhttttttt.....farty sound that trucks make for some reason.
Hailey: HOLY CRAP!!! WHAT WAS THAT??? SCARIEST THING EVER!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Mommy: Great...exactly what we needed. Ewwww...don't touch me too much. I brought another outfit for you, but not for me.
Matt: What is going on? Why am I the only one in the car? I wanna get out!
Mommy: Okay, Hailey, we're going to get changed in the trunk.
Hailey: But it's frigid out here...you want to take all of my clothes off in the trunk while it's freezing cold and there are people all around? Forget it! I'm going to start resisting right now...this has got to be some form of child abuse, right?
Mommy: Please calm down...we have to do it this way. Daddy turned the heat up and I'll work as quickly as I can.

Mommy proceeded to wrestle with me to get my clothes off. Trust me...it was freezing cold. My lips were shivering and I was totally embarrassed. She had to take EVERYTHING off...including my onesie. Is there no dignity left in this world?

Mommy: Okay, all done.
Daddy: Okay, I got the car seat mostly cleaned up. Thank God you stash wet ones all over the place. I always thought you were a little nuts for doing that.
Hailey: Did I mention that I'm still freezing? Ahhhh...thanks Mom. Thanks so much for packing a really warm blanket.
Matt: Are we almost done here? I'm bored and I'm not getting any of the attention. I'm going to start crying now.

Mommy brought me into the front seat so that I could warm up. The hot air was blowing right into my face, but between that and my blanket, it was great. Plus, I thought that she was going to let me ride the rest of the way in her seat. That would be awesome. I got to see lots of dogs too...I guess other people know about this Welcome Center too! Matt was so jealous...

Daddy (coming back from the bathroom): Is she alright? Let's get back on the road.
Mommy: Okay, Hailey go with Daddy and get buckled in.
Matt: Can someone give me some freaking attention??? Give me a pretzel or something! I'm bored!!!!
Hailey: Mmmm...a pretzel sounds good. Can I have one too?
Mommy: Do you think we should give Hailey one?
Daddy: Sure...gotta test her out. How did you see this place? We've driven this tons of times and I've never seen it!
Mommy: I don't know...it must be like a superhero strength. Smell puke...find place to stop.

The worst part of this whole ordeal was that I couldn't match Matt. We both had on Penn State sweatshirts and we looked so cute. Oh well...I guess there was nothing I could do about it. Mommy spent most of the remainder of the trip cleaning off her keys...sorry, Mom! At least you had your lipstick on!

Want to build a closer relationship with your mother during this holiday season?

2009-11-20T04:09:00.001-08:00

1. Wake up several times during the night. She misses you and wants to see you...for no apparent reason. Make sure only Mommy hears the cries...Daddy has to work in the morning.
2. You know that Daddy went to work early today. Mommy must be lonely and doesn't really want to shower and get ready all by herself. Call her into your room with a fake cry...for no apparent reason.
3. Repeatedly throw your lovey in hard to reach places. Mommy wants you to be attached to this thing in the silliest way possible...don't give up...she'll keep getting it for you because she loves you (or wants to get just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep).
4. While she's fixing a meal, don't leave her alone...she really wants you hanging on her pant leg. It actually makes her work quicker.
5. Keep losing your sippy cups. Don't worry that there's milk in there that could spoil. Mommy loves you so much that she'll keep looking for it until she finds it.
6. When she's getting dressed...stare at her breasts like you're hungry. It makes her laugh hysterically!
7. When Mommy is changing your diaper, remember to stick your hands down here as soon as she removes the dirty diaper. It's warm and squishy and Mommy doesn't mind cleaning the poop off your hands...she's already cleaning it off your tushie. No worries!
8. When Mommy is reading you a book, make sure to get as close to her face as possible. It doesn't matter that she can't read the pages, she's probably already memorized the book from reading it a million times. She's cool like that.
9. If you're done with what you're eating, clear your tray using your entire arm. Not only does it send a clear message that you're finished, but it makes room for dessert.
10. Whatever you do, realize that consistency is the key to making this relationship work. No matter how many times she tells you to stay out of the toybox, keep your fingers out of the outlets, not to push your sibling, and not to touch the dog's eyeball, she's really just looking for boundaries. Make sure you set clear and consistent boundaries that your mother will respect. Eventually, it will lead to an open and loving relationship that will continue for years to come.

Oh What Fun We Have!!!

2009-11-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

You really think I'm going to listen to you just because you gave me this stick? This is just another reason for me to go play in the front yard by myself...without you...alone...get it? Now, please allow me and my stick to go now!

Dad, you went to the bathroom for 0.2 seconds, so we thought that we'd climb right into the Tuppe.rware drawer and rearrange it for you. This thing is really strong! It didn't even bend when Matthew got all the way inside! Good thing you came back though...he has no idea how to get out!

Yeah...I can use a fork now. I'm pretty cool, but I'm still not going to smile!

We love when Daddy reads to us. We love this story because there are Monkeys in it and we love Monkeys lately. Hailey is completely enthralled (as usual), but Matthew doesn't miss a chance for a cute photo op!

I may or may not having something in my mouth. If I do, I won't tell you anyway. If I don't, I'll let you keep thinking that I do so that I get more attention!

We're starting to think we eat better than Mommy and Daddy. Today Mommy prepared scrambled eggs, cinnamon and raisin English Muffins, and strawberries/bananas. She loves us so much. We know this because she tells us that she doesn't even cut up fruit for herself, so when she does it for us, it's extra special. We love her too!

It was just too quiet. We had to be quiet or Mommy would know what we were doing. Matthew wanted to get in here so he could reach the plugs...plugs are so interesting that we always need to touch them. It's a good thing that Mommy has such good instincts or Matthew's hair may be standing on end from electric shock!

Yeah...I climbed in here...so what? What? I'm driving you crazy? That's ridiculous...I can barely walk much less drive! Hahahahahaaaaaa....I'm so funny! Hailey tells me all the time!

Halloween 2009 - by Hailey

2009-11-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

So, it's Halloween again. We don't remember last year because we were just little babies. We're much bigger now and were ready to enjoy Halloween. I will tell you about our day and then entertain you with some pictures!

We woke up and, as usual, Mommy and Daddy were very happy to see us. When they opened the window, I realized that it was kind of cloudy and drizzly out. This is not good Trick or Treating weather! We went downstairs, had breakfast, and got dressed really fast. We were going somewhere...this is always fun! Where were we going so early in the morning? Turns out Mommy had scheduled us for our flu booster at 8:30 in the morning. That's not very Halloween-y of her, right? Sheesh! Anyway, the shots were annoying...the lady who did it was nice though. We both cried at first, but then put a brave face on for the other kids in the waiting room. When we got home, we were exhausted! We went right up for naps and slept right through the neighborhood celebration. When we woke up, we had lunch, played for a little bit and were so tired that we went right back to sleep! Yikes! I guess those shots knocked us for a loop!

When we got up in the afternoon, Mommy brought these cool looking bags into our rooms. One had a picture of a kitty on the front and one had a picture of a puppy on the front. I immediately knew which one was for me and asked Mommy to put my costume on. She did...she's cool like that. Matt didn't want his on at first, but once he saw how cool I looked, his tune changed. He casually backed himself onto Mommy's lap and gave her his hat. When we were both dressed, we went outside with Mommy and Daddy for pictures. We had so much fun being outside. Good thing we hurried though...it started to rain again! We took some more pictures inside and then had to get out of those costumes...they were HOT!

We had dinner and Mommy and Daddy let us have some chocolate. I'm not kidding when I tell you that now I know what Heaven is like. I have never been so happy as when they put that chocolate in my mouth. We waited for trick-or-treaters, but only a few came. Mommy put our costumes back on after dinner, so we looked really cute for everyone. Maybe next year they'll take us out! Here are our pictures from Halloween!

No biting!!! By Matthew

2009-10-22T08:42:00.001-07:00

That's my new facebook profile pic...like it? So, Hailey and I were playing in the basement after lunch yesterday. She just started walking full time, so it's more fun to be around her...she's not always underfoot! Mommy was down there, but she was pretty tired. I think I was too, but I can't remember...they say my short term memory will get better, but I don't know what's going on half the time!

So, we were playing with all of our toys. We are pretty lucky because we have lots of choices. Hailey was playing with the bead toy (not really sure what it's called, but it's a bunch of different colored wires with beads on them...they have them at the library and the doctor's office...they're cool). I was in my car acting pretty cool when I decided that I wanted to play with the beads too. Now, if there's one thing that I've learned about Hailey, it's that she doesn't really like to play with me. She thinks I'm too rough...I told her that's just the way I am and that she needs to accept me for who I am...she laughed and walked away. Anyway, I walked over to the bead toy and proceeded to knock her down so that I could play with it. The way I figure it, if she doesn't want to play with me, she can get out of my way. Mommy started to get mad at me for knocking Hailey down...rightfully so...it wasn't very nice.

So, I'm standing up at the bead toy and Hailey is on the floor. By this point, she's crying because she's mad at me. It must be a woman thing...crying out of anger. Mommy was annoyed at what I had done, but then Hailey decided to take things into her own hands. She grabbed my butt and sank her teeth into it! She's a biter, but I had no idea she'd sink this low! I was really shocked...not shocked enough to stop playing, but shocked enough to decide this was blog-worthy.

Mommy couldn't believe her eyes. She said, "Hailey, no biting!" Hailey ignored her and kept her chompers right where they were. Then I realized something...not only did I have a diaper on cushioning the teeth, but I had also taken a nice poopy after lunch. I'm sure that Hailey didn't anticipate that when she bit down on my butt cheek! I think Mommy realized the same thing that I did because she stopped yelling and just kind of laughed. It is pretty funny if you think about it. Maybe that will teach her to stop biting!

I don't know if Hailey knew what was going on, but she did have a look on her face afterward like she had eaten something bad...if she only knew!

Go Yankees!!!! Too bad Daddy is a Phillies fan...hahahahahahahahaaaaaa!! Mommy gets to dress us!

Monkey Boy

2009-10-15T11:17:00.001-07:00

That's Matthew's new name...Hailey (i.e. Monkey Girl) isn't far behind...although you couldn't tell by the shock and awe registered on her face in these pictures. They are (of course) captioned with what I think they are thinking...if only I really knew (sigh)!

Okay, I know it doesn't show on my face, but I am really psyched that I made it all the way up here! I have been working on this since yesterday and here I am! If I keep going at this rate, I'll be driving by age 7!

I am really wavering between insane happiness and complete panic. How the hell do I get down from here!?!

Nothing about this feels good...he's a good 12 inches off the ground, crying and laughing at the same time, and doesn't have a clue what he's gotten himself into. I can only predict that we will go through this situation about 60,000,000 times in the next two weeks...until his legs get long enough to actually reach the ground.

Is this a good way to get down? Can I back down? I really don't know what to do...

Mom, you're really going along with this? I'm shocked! I truly can't believe it! Oooooh...this means trouble!

So, you're saying that if I wanted to do that, you'd let me? For real? Hmmm...this kid might be on to something after all!

Okay, maybe if I put my foot down first and scootch my way forward...pleeeease let this work! I'm getting hungry!

By God! I think he's on to something!!! Go Matt!!!

Look, I brought a book with me...I could stay up here for days!

Yeah! Do that! Stay up there for days!!! That way I can have Mommy all to myself!!! You have the BEST ideas, Matt!

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...well, only the automobiles!

2009-10-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

Look out world! Here I come!!! This is awesome!

This is how you get out, right? What's that? You want me to "sit down?" I can't hear you over the roar of my engine!

I gotta get in on this...driving is a very important skill for a 13-month old!

Fill her up...regular, please!

Oh yeah...this is what I'm talking about! Woo hoo!!!

Do you know how to parallel park? This is hard! Maybe we shouldn't park it in the jungle! Haha!!!

My Butt Hurts

2009-09-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

H: Ouch...my butt hurts!
M: Mine too! What the hell is this?
H: Oh no...I have to poop again...
M: Again? That's like the third time this morning!
H: Holy shit!!! It's burning!!! Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Mommy: Did someone poop?
M: She asks that question a lot.
H: Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh...I did! Please help me! Get it out!!!
Mommy: Okay, let's change your diaper.
H: I'm nervous...that did not feel normal. Please be gentle.
Mommy: Oh, Hailey...this must hurt a little bit.
H: Yikes! A little bit??? What are you wiping me with woman? Sandpaper??? OUCH!!!
Mommy: Almost done...I just need to clean you up a little more. This was a messy one!
H: Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...must get away.
Hailey proceeds to flip over and crawl away with bare ass out for all to see.
Mommy: Hailey, please come back here...I need to put a diaper on.
H: No freaking way! It hurts too much! I need some air...air will make me better. Please don't touch it again!
Mommy: Come on...it'll be fine.
H: What the hell is on your finger? What's that white stuff? Why are you rubbing it on my butt??? Did I not mention how much it hurts??? OUCHHHHHH!!!
Mommy: Just have to fasten your diaper and then we're done.
H: Oooooh...I kind of like that white stuff. It feels good. Thanks Mommy!
Mommy: All done...go play.
M: Was it that bad?
H: Oh yeah...it was like sitting on hot sand.
M: Yikes...uh oh...
H: Oh no...you too?
M: Yup...holy cow...now I get why you were so upset. This is torture! I'm doing it to myself and I can't stop!!! OUCH!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP ME!
Mommy: Did someone poop? Who pooped? Matthew? Again? You poor thing!
M: Poor thing, my ass! Why is this happening? Why can't I stop pooping??? OUCH!!!
Mommy: Let's change your diaper.
M: No way! I saw what you did to Hailey and I watched her try to deal with the pain...I'm not that strong. Please don't make me!
Mommy (now lifting Matthew up and onto the blanket which is protecting the rug from all of the poop and escaping kids): Come on...I have to take care of this right away.
M: No, no you don't...I can wait...just let me prepare myself.
Mommy: Ooooh...this one is really bad.
M: No shit! I could have told you that! It's like sitting on a herd of porcupines!
Mommy (now holding Matthew in what could only be described as a wrestling move): Okay, let me clean you up. This will only take a minute if you lie still.
M: No way! I'm outta here! Let me goooooo!!!! I need to get away!
Mommy (now sweating and out of breath): Just one minute...I'm almost done!
M: Mommy...please...I can't take it. I am about to pass out from the pain you're inflicting on me. Why do you hate me so much?
Mommy: Okay, here's a new diaper.
M: Ha...a chance to escape. Here I go!
Mommy (running after Matthew with a diaper and a finger covered with Desi.tin): Please come back here...you're going to pee all over the house if we get a brisk wind and I am not cleaning that up! Not on top of all of this poop! No way!!! GET BACK HERE!!!!
M: Hmmm...maybe I should stop and let her finish. On second thought, this wind feels good on my butt...I'm going to keep going. She'll get me eventually. She always does.
Mommy (finally getting to Matthew after jumping over a strategically placed Hailey and tripping on the dog): Okay, let's finish up.
M: Oh. my. God.!!!!!! What is that white stuff and why are you rubbing on the part of my butt that hurts the most??? What is wrong with you??? Seriously, why do you hate me so much??
Mommy: Okay, all done. Now I just have to get your pants back on.
M (escaping from Mommy's clutches): NO WAY!!! I'm outta here!!!
Mommy (wiping her brow and straightening her clothes): Fine...it's almost nap time anyway.

2 seconds later.

Mommy: Did someone poop?

It's a neverending cycle!!!!!!!!

Oh My God...I am soooo hungover!

2009-08-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Setting: Our house, the day after our first birthday party.

H: Good Morning, Matt!
M: Ugh...what's good about it? I'm exhausted!
H: Maybe that's because you kept waking up last night...what's up with that? Then I have to cry too and Mommy and Daddy come in to say hi.
M: I don't know...I kept waking up because my mouth hurts. Why do we have these pieces of bone that keep jutting through our gums? These are ridiculously painful!
H: I don't know...they're not that bad. Apparently we need them to eat more food.
M: I eat a lot of food now!

Mommy enters the room.

H: Hi Mommy! Here's my bink! I love you!
M: Waaaaaahhhhh...don't take my bink! Don't take my lovey! Don't change my diaper! I feel horrible! I need something to eat!

Mommy takes us downstairs and gives us our sippies and snack cups. We're pretty sure that she does this to keep us quiet for a little while, but she won't admit it.
M: Mmmmm...soooooo good! Give me your cup too!
H: NO! I'm hungry too...oh fine. You're just going to take it anyway!
M: What should we do today?
H: Let's play with all of our new toys!
M: Fine. As long as I don't have to move too far, I'm in. I'm exhausted...have I mentioned that?
H: Yeah...I think you covered that. Look...Daddy is taking something out of a box. That's always good.
M: Ouch! That noise is hurting my head! I think I drank too much last night...either that or had too much cake! Ouch! Is he almost done?
H: Yes, you wimp...ridiculous. I'm going to help Daddy while Mommy makes breakfast.
M: Mmmmm...breakfast. I hope it's eggs with jam toast and banana...I like how Mommy makes the banana talk to us before he takes his "clothes" off. That's funny!
H: Easily entertained, aren't you?
M: Mmmhmm.

H: I love to help Daddy. I wonder what this is going to be...a garage? Great...I love cars!
M: I know...it's weird that you're a girl and you love cars. It's kind of cool of you!
H: I'll bet if you had been a girl, I never would have known about my love of cars.
M: Probably not. Let's sit down for breakfast. I'm starving and hopefully some food will make me feel better!
H: What's coming? What's coming? I'm so excited!
M: Me too...I just can't show it b/c of my hangover!
H: It's a banana!!! I freaking love these things!
M: Lemme see!
M: Forget about the banana...I want to play peek-a-boo.
H: You're not too good at it...you can still see! Here's how you really do it!
M: Okay...let me try again.
H: Good luck...this is a very important skill. You heard the doctor ask Mommy about it. We don't want her to worry!
M: Okay...less pressure is always nice, huh?
M: How's this?
H: Better...give it one more try!
M: Did I do it??
H: YES!!! I'm so proud of you! How are you feeling?
M: Better now...I just needed something in my stomach. I love that you're proud of me. You're the best sister!
H: Thanks...I like you too!

A Monday Blog from Hailey

2009-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

So, Mommy is letting me use the computer. She's helping me a little, but I can basically do it on my own now. I can do a lot of things on my own. There are several things that I would like to blog about today. One is my birthday. The second is how crazy my brother is. A third is our premier trip to Toys R Us!

I am going to one year old tomorrow. I am very excited. Mommy bought us shirts and we are going to party...I'll post pictures after tomorrow. Mommy said she is going to let us have balloons and cupcakes! I can't wait! I can tell you how old I am going to be. Here I am:

I can also do "so big" and play peek-a-boo, but I don't want to brag.

Okay, on to my brother. He is completely nuts! He is funny, but he is nuts at the same time. I guess that's reasonable though because most crazy people are funny! I know that from all of my life experience...if you weren't reading carefully, I am going to be one...I know a lot now!

My brother does crazy things like sticks his fingers in the dog's mouth, screams at the top of his lungs while chasing Mommy, and tries to get away from her during diaper changes so he can crawl around naked. The strangest things though consist of his love of Brie's doggie bed and his new fascination with gloves. It's August for God's sake...put the gloves away!

I still love him though...for all the times he knocks me over, uses me head as a drum, and steals my food/toys/books/hugs...I still love him.

Now, onto our first trip ever to Toys R Us. I think we're going to like this place, but I heard Mommy telling someone that she thinks it will turn into "her own personal Hell." I don't know why she said that...I think that place is soooo cool! Actually, I would have had a lot more fun if they'd actually let us out of the stroller. What kind of people bring kids to Toys R Us and make them sit in the stroller? I'll tell you who...mean people! Just kidding...they're cool!

I definitely looked a little bored in these pictures, but make no mistake, I was having a good time. I just like to play it cool so no one knows my true feelings...I'm fly like that! See how I put my foot over the bar in the stroller...very noncholant, right? I'm singing like a bird inside though! Trust me on that one!!!

That's all for now...thanks for checking in!

Matt's Back from Vacation

2009-07-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

Hello blog-world...it's Matt. We went on vacation to Long Island and hung out with lots of people. I'm not gonna lie...I loved all of the attention, but I was really missing my house. I couldn't wait to get home and lie around in my diapers and drool on the floors without feeling the guilt that you feel when you do it at someone else's house, ya know?

Mommy took a couple of pictures when we first got home...I figured I'd share them and put my own personal touch on each one. Enjoy!

We just got home and I have soooo much laundry to do.
Better get working on that!

Haha....yeah right! That cracked me up!

Hailey was so happy to be home that she filled this cardboard box with Chardonnay and chugged it. That girl knows how to partayyyyyy!!!

Is my dinner in here? Is anyone going to feed me?
What the hell is this thing anyway???

Our Newest Toy...the dog!

2009-07-09T11:54:00.001-07:00

Hailey: Brie, will you play with me?
Brie: I don't play with children...they're beneath me...literally and figuratively.
Hailey: Please?
Brie: Okay, but only because you're cute and I believe that I'm smarter than you.

Matthew: Mom, I'm getting on the dog bed again. I don't care if I don't know how to get off. I want to be on the dog bed. Wait! Brie's on here! I need to get her off!
Brie: Are we really going to play this game again?Brie: Okay, now that you've gotten me out of bed, I'll play.
Matt: YAY!!!! Let's play with fishy...all of my toys are too new and clean.
Matt: Hey! Licking wasn't part of the deal!!! Gross!!!
Brie: I can't help it. You taste like lunch!
Matt: Maybe if I crouch down on the ground, she won't notice me any more.
Brie: That's right...get lower...you're more vulnerable that way!

Hailey: What the hell is that? It's gross! I am not playing with that.
Brie: Come on...you're so cute and delicate. Please play with me!

Hailey: Okay, what do we do?
Matt: We hold fishy and try to let Brie get it. When she does, we laugh and try to pull it out of her mouth.
Brie: Gee, this game sounds really fun for me, huh?

Matt: No, Brie, like this...just mush your face into fishy...don't try to eat her!
Hailey: If Brie doesn't understand the game, what's the point?
Brie: I understand the game...I just think it sucks.

Matt: Hailey, pet her head, like this.
Hailey: Get off of me!!!
Brie: This game is going nowhere really fast! Hailey, I'll try to save you...we can be on the same team.
Hailey: Yeah Brie! You knocked him over! I didn't even know you were allowed to do that! We win!
Brie: Yeah we do...
Matt: Hey! This isn't what I had in mind when I asked you two to play!

Hailey: Come on...how hard can it be to get fishy away from Brie?
Brie: You never know Little One. I might surprise you!

Hailey: Nah, I win and it was easy...just because you're bigger doesn't mean you're smarter!
Brie: You sure are cute though...can I just give you a little lick?
Hailey: Gross!!
Hailey: No licking...that's not how I roll. It's gross and unsanitary. Please go get me a wipe.

Matt: Here Brie! Wanna play with my toys??? I love you!
Brie: I love you guys too. I know I always seem annoyed when you poke me in the eyes or pull my whiskers, but I'm so glad you're finally playing with me!

Want it? Well, you can't have it! Ha!

2009-06-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

The Coveted Piece of Soggy Graham Cracker

Matt: Hailey, want the rest of my graham cracker? I think I can reach.
Hailey: That's so nice of you! I'd love it!
Matt: Okay, reach your hand out and it's yours!

Matt: Mom, I'm not sure I want to give it to her anymore.
Hailey: But you said you would...that makes me sad.
Matt: It looks so yummy though...I'm conflicted. Should I? Shouldn't I?
Hailey: You should...you should give it to me!!!

Matt: I'm so sorry...I can't hold out. This piece of soggy graham cracker needs to be in my mouth. I didn't mean to lead you on...I just need it!

Hailey: So, I get nothing? NOTHING??? This is ridiculous!

I think we need to start working on sharing...

The Perfect Picture...is there any such thing?

2009-06-08T17:02:00.001-07:00

So, we were getting ready for one of our infamous photo shoots. The babies are finally big enough to wear these onesies from their Uncle Z who lives in Nebraska. I thought it would be nice to send him a picture of them wearing his gift. Hailey volunteered to be the director of the photo shoot and Matthew grudgingly agreed to take her direction. Here goes nothing!

H: Oh, you're ready? You didn't say you were ready! Can I get a little more notice next time? Do you see what I'm dealing with here?
M: Mmmm...shapes taste good.

H: Okay, Matt, when Mommy counts to three, smile.
M: Okay...I smiled.
H: NO, NO, NO...smile AND look at the camera.
M: Hmmm...okay, thanks for being more specific this time. I'll do better!

H: Here we go again...Matt, get ready.
M: Okay...we'll get it this time. Oh wait...more shapes...gotta taste them too!
H: Arrrrggghhhh...you screwed it up again!!!

M: Mommy, Hailey keeps yelling at me! I'm trying to smile, but then she tells me to look at the camera at the same time and I get all confused!
H: Mom, I'm just doing what you want me to do. I really don't know what his problem is. He keeps playing with his shapes...what is the deal with that?

M: Mom, make her stop!
H: Listen, if you do what I say when I say it, we'll stop because Mommy will have a picture to send to Uncle Z...get it?
M: Yes, I'm back on board!

H: Seriously...why am I trying so hard!?!? You're not even smiling!!! He's going to think we hate these onesies!!!
M: Mom, I'm so sad...Hailey is yelling at me and I'm really trying. Don't you think this face is cute too? Does it always have to be a smile?
H: Ugh...he's impossible to work with!

H: Seriously, Mom!!! He's trying to crawl away! How am I supposed to work with this?
M: I wasn't crawling away...I wanted to touch Mommy's leg.
H: WHY???
M: I dunno...I love her.
H: Yeah, me too...WAIT! I'm still mad at you for ruining another picture!
M: Sorry...I'll get it this time. I'll concentrate...I promise.

H: SMILE!!!!

M: Nice job, Hailey...we're both smiling!
H: WHAT??? My eyes were closed??? I screwed up this one? That's it! I quit!
M: She was the best director I ever worked with. Let's do this again!

Touching...no, no, gentle

2009-03-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

M: Hailey, you're cute...I just want to squeeze you!
H: Please don't...you always squeeze with your nails and it freaking hurts!
M: Pleeeeaaasssseee...I just love you so much. Can't you see this loving look that I'm giving you?
H: I see it, but I don't know if I believe it. I think you want to see how much pressure you can apply before you break the skin...or break my will...whatever comes firsst.
M: Please...I can't help myself.
H: No.
Matthew ignores her and does it anyway.
M: Oh! You're so cute and squishy!!!
H: OOOOWWWWWWW!!! GET OFF OF ME!!!
M: Does that screaming mean you like it? I'll do it more! Does it feel good when I do this?
Pulls the hair on the back of Hailey's head.
H: NNNNOOOOOOOO! What are you doing? Get off of me! MOMMMM!!!!
Mom: What are you guys doing? Oh, Hailey, he just loves you so much...
M: See? I love you.
Mom: Matthew, be gentle with Hailey...she doesn't like that as much as you think she should.
M: Okay...I'll try again, but this time, I'll go for her face.
H: Oooooowwwww!!! God, someone should cut your nails! Get off of me!!!

M: Okay, but I do love you...I let you touch my face.
H: Yes, but that's because I'm gentle with your face and I let you put my hand in your mouth.
M: True...hey, what does "gentle" mean anyway? Mommy is always telling me to be gentle, but I have no clue what that means.
H: I don't know...
Blank stares at each other...
H: I would assume it's the opposite of what you're doing to me...you're rough dude!
M: I gotta touch you again!
H: MMMMOOOOMMMMM!!!! OW! GET OFF OF ME!
M: I love you!

What IS This Crap?

2009-02-09T09:22:00.001-08:00

H: Matthew, here we go again.
M: Oh yay! Wait...what do you mean? It's time to eat, right?
H: Yes, but you know what that means...they're going to try to make us eat something new...again!
M: I like new things! They all taste so yummy and Mommy and Daddy do funny things to make us eat them...they don't need to do that with me...I'll eat anything!
H: Yeah...you're making it harder for me. I think they need to work for it...I'll eat if they really earn it. That's how I roll.
M: You're kind of mean, you know?
H: Not mean...just honest. If it tastes like crap, why am I going to open my mouth again for another bite of crap? Not gonna happen!
M: Oh, give them a break...look at how happy they are...what the hell are peas?
H: Matthew, the stuff in that jar is freaking GREEN! Do they really think that I'll allow that to pass these lips?
M: Mmmmmm....cereal....mmmmmm...can't talk now...gotta demand that the cereal get into my belly faster...mmmmm
H: You're such a pig...it is good though. Alright, enough talking...I'm eating now too....mmmmm.
Mommy: Okay, we're going to try something new!
Daddy: Mmmmm...peas!
H: Freaking great (sarcasm)!
M: No, it IS freaking great...I can't wait! (big smile)
Mommy: Here we go Matt....Zooooommmm....right into your mouth! Oh, I think he likes it!
Daddy: Okay, Hailey...chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chooooo-choooo! Right into your mouth...oh crap...Hailey, swallow it!
H: No way.
Daddy: Hailey, just give it a shot...it's YUMMY!
H: It tastes like pureed crap...not yummy!
Daddy: Okay, let's try another bite.
H: Why in the world would you think I need another bite after this one is still sitting in my mouth? Are you freaking crazy!?!? Another bite!?!? Who taught you people parenting anyway? The rule is if the baby doesn't like it, then stop what you're doing! What the hell? Oh, here we go...he's trying again...
Daddy: Mmmmm...peas...good girl Hailey! You opened your mouth! Now swallow...
M: Mmmm...this green crap is really good...I can't get it in fast enough. I wish Mommy had robot arms that would repeat this motion of spoon in jar, out of jar, and into my mouth a lot quicker!
H: God, you're such a kiss-ass.
M: No, I'm not...I have a much more developed palatte than you and that's why I can handle new foods so much better. Come on...look at poor Daddy...he wants you to like this so much...give him a break!
H: Okay, I'll open my mouth one more time, but then I'm done.
M: Hailey, you still haven't swallowed your first two bites...you'll have no more room!
H: Have you seen these cheeks? I'll have room.
Daddy: Okay, one more bite....mmmmmmm...peas!
H: Yeah...if you say, "mmmmm...peas!" one more time, I'm going to lose it. They still taste horrible! I'm done!
Daddy: One more bite? Oh, she's not opening her mouth anymore...guess we're done.
Mommy: Look! Matthew finished his whole jar! Amazing!
M: (smiling) They like me better!
H: (looking pissed off) That's fine...let them like you better. I'll get more attention by doing this...(proceeding to spit out all three bites of peas)
M: Touche my friend...you win!

I Think I Like What You're Wearing...

2009-01-31T06:54:00.000-08:00

I got both babies dressed today and they took a minute to size each other up (meaning they started at each other for a couple of minutes for no particular reason...just staring). Here's my version of what was going on in their heads:

M: Hailey, do you like my outfit?
H: I don't know...isn't it a little butch?
M: I'm a BOY!!!
H: Oh, it makes more sense now...what's a boy?
M: I don't know, but being one means that I get to wear clothing that has footballs on it and that's cool.
H: Okay, whatever...what about mine?
M: It's a little old for you, isn't it?
H: What do you mean?
M: Well, the whole rosebud pattern? It's a little old lady-ish.
H: I see what you mean, but I think I can get away with it b/c I look so young.
M: You do look young.
H: Thanks...I eat a lot of Omega-3 fatty acids.
M: Well, it's doing well for you.
H: So, you never told me whether or not you like it.
M: Well, I wouldn't wear it, but you're really doing it justice.
H: Thanks...now, let's start whining again so Mommy will sing more songs!

Maybe She'll Just Leave Me Here

2009-01-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

M: whine, whine...Mommy, I think I'm ready for my nap. Oh, but I'm so comfortable here in my bouncy chair.
Mommy: Okay, looks like you guys are getting ready for naps. I'll go make sure your room is ready.
H: Matt, don't fall asleep yet...Mommy is coming back down for us.
M: Yeah, but this chair is so comfortable. Maybe I'll just close my eyes.
H: whine, whine...I want to fall asleep too, but I can't with all this swinging...don't fall asleep.
M: I'm not...I'm just pretending to sleep...maybe she'll just leave me here.
Mommy: Okay, guys...ready for naps? Oh! Matt, did you already fall asleep.
H: whine...no, he didn't...he's just pretending.
M: Hailey, why'd you make me smile! She almost bought it!
H: Couldn't let you get away with it...I want us to nap at the same time...I don't want you to have any extra time with Mommy.
Mommy: Matthew...I saw that smile...were you just pretending?
M: Hmmmm...yeah...let's go up to sleep...
Mommy: I love you guys!

Are you still there?

2009-01-10T11:43:00.000-08:00

7:00 PM - put babies down.

Mommy: Good night...we love you.
Daddy: Good night...sweet dreams.
Hailey (after door closes): Matt...Matt!
Matthew: What? I was already falling asleep!
Hailey: Where do they go when they leave our room?
Matthew: I don't know...probably downstairs?
Hailey: Are you sure?
Matthew: No, but I don't really care...as long as they don't wake me up, I'm happy. They come when we need them anyway. What are you worried about?
Hailey: Nothing really...I just miss them.
Matthew: I'm going to sleep...this is ridiculous.
Hailey: Yeah, I guess I'll try to sleep too. Oh crap...now I've gone and gotten out of my swaddle and can't stop rubbing my eyes...it's keeping me from falling to sleep, but I can't stop doing it!
Matthew: Don't know what to tell you...call Mommy.
Hailey: Yeah...good idea. WAHHHHHHH!!!!

12:00 AM
Hailey (to herself): Hmmm...I'm awake. I don't know why I'm awake, but it sure is dark in here. What happened to the light that Mommy and Daddy left on? It's kind of scary, but I can handle it. I miss Mommy...I wonder what she's doing right now. I think I'll call her. WAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Mommy: Hailey (big smile from Hailey as she throws her legs and arms in the air in the anticipation of being picked up and played with), it's time to go back to sleep. I'm going to wrap you back up so you can go back to sleep.
Hailey: I don't think so woman! Play with me! Play with me! Play with me!
Mommy: Mommy loves you...get some sleep.
Hailey: Well, at least I know she's close by. I think I will go back to sleep...it's so warm and cuddly when she wraps me up!

2:00 AM
Hailey (to herself): Hmmmm...I'm awake again. What to do? What to do? I don't know what to do...there aren't any toys in my crib. They keep this thing more bare than a prison cell. Stupid SIDS...it's ruined all of the fun for the other kids. I'll chew on my blanket for a little while and I can talk to myself at the same time...good times!
Chew, grunt, chew, sing, chew, sneeze, chew, call Matthew, chew, call Daddy, chew, call Mommy, chew, call Matthew even louder.
Matthew: WHAT??? I'm sleeping!!!
Hailey: Wanna play?
Matthew: What are you talking about? We can't play...we can barely roll over! Plus, as I mentioned earlier, I'm sleeping!!!! Go back to bed!
Hailey: I can't...I'm wide awake. You may not believe this, but I have a lot on my mind.
Matthew: Like what?
Hailey: Well, I can't get my thumb into my mouth. I can only roll in one direction. I think I need more formula in my bottles. I really like that rice cereal. My hair isn't growing fast enough. You're my best friend. I love Daddy and Mommy a lot. I want to play!
Matthew: Seriously? You're 4 months old and you're thinking about all of that. This is stupid. I want to go back to bed and you won't stop talking. I'm calling Mommy! WAAAAHHHHH!!!

Mommy (stumbling in all askew): You're both awake? Oh great (sarcastic)...okay, Matthew, here's your binky, go back to sleep. Hailey, did you start all of this? (big smile from Hailey and more talking) We need to go to sleep...it's 2:00 AM! Here you go...all wrapped up and ready to go to bed.
Hailey: Okay Mommy...just because I love you...next time I want to see Daddy though!

Repeat this scenario for several nights in a row...I think we've hit the 4-month sleep regression...oh great!

Mom, I feel like crap...by Matthew

2008-12-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

M: MOM!!! I FEEL LIKE CRAP!!! SOMETHING IS IN MY NOSE AND I CAN'T BREATHE AND I CAN'T SLEEP AND I CAN'T SWALLOW...SOMETHING IS WRONG MOM...PLEASE COME AND HOLD ME AND NEVER PUT ME DOWN.
Mommy: Oh, my poor baby...you must feel horrible. Let me take your temperature...yes, that's right...this is going into your butt hole.
M: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? I TOLD YOU I FEEL BAD...NOT THAT I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!!!
Mommy: Oh, you have a temperature...my poor baby. We'll take good care of you. First, I must wipe your face continually with this tissue so that your snot doesn't run into your mouth because that's gross.
M: THAT'S GROSS? LET IT RUN AND CONCENTRATE ON HOLDING ME!!!
Mommy: Now, isn't that better? I need to sit down now because my back is about to give out.
M: SIT DOWN? I THINK NOT! I MUST BE ROCKED CONSTANTLY WITH A FULL BODY MOTION. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SITTING DOWN AND ROCKING ME BECAUSE I'LL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!
Mommy: Oh, why are you crying? Here...we'll make you a bottle...
M: OKAY...THIS I LIKE!
Mommy: I'm going to put you in the bouncer for a little while because I need to use the bathroom and clean up a little bit. Oh, and there is this other baby that I'm supposed to be caring for too...just one minute.
M: NO WAY JOSE! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!!
Mommy: Guess that's not working...how about a nap.
M: I AM QUITE TIRED, BUT I'M GOING TO SUFFER THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING UNLESS YOU LET ME FALL ASLEEP IN YOUR ARMS. OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT? WELL, THEN YOU'LL BE COMING UP HERE 20 TIMES TO PUT THE PACIFIER BACK INTO MY MOUTH...

A little while longer...

M: MMMM...THAT NAP FELT GOOD. WHAT? WHY CAN'T I BREATHE!!! MOMMY SAID SHE'D MAKE ME ALL BETTER...WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE CRAP? CAN SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CRIB AND INTO MOMMY'S ARMS???
Mommy: Did you have a good nap? You're having a rough time, aren't you?
M: LADY, THAT'S THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR. AT LEAST YOU PEOPLE CAN TAKE MEDICINE...YOU EXPECT A HUMIDIFIER TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! I THINK NOT! I NEED DRUGS...GIVE ME THE DRUGS...I NEED DRUGS!!!!
Mommy: It's time for a bath now...this should clear you out a little bit.
M: OH YEAH...JUST WHAT I NEED...TO TAKE OFF ALL OF MY CLOTHES AND SIT IN A VAT OF LUKE WARM WATER...YEAH, SOUNDS REALLY RELAXING...WAIT. WHAT'S THIS? WHAT DID YOU GUYS PUT IN THE WATER? I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT GREEN BOTTLE...V-A-P-O-R-I-Z-I-N-G? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO CARES? IT FEELS GREAT! I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!!! WHOOPEE!
Mommy: Time to get out of the bath so I can finish up with your sister.
M: SCREW HER...I'M SICK...I GET ALL OF THE BATH TIME...NOOOOO...PUT ME BACK IN THERE!!!
Mommy: Just wait here until Daddy and I are done with Hailey.
M: I DON'T WANT THIS SOOTHIE THING! I WANT MY BATH BACK!!! PLEASE!!!!
Mommy: Okay, one more bottle and then bedtime. Oh, you got yourself so upset during your bath that you're all stuffed up again. Calm down...calm down.
M: GIVE ME THE FREAKING BOTTLE AND I'LL CALM DOWN. A COLD TAKES A LOT OUT OF ME!
Mommy: Just a little at a time...you can't breathe and drink at the same time.
M: THE HELL I CAN'T...JUST LET ME TRY...I KNOW I CAN DO IT!

Time for bed...
Mommy: Good night sweet boy...I love you.
M: YOU GUYS ARE SCREWED TONIGHT...I'LL NEVER SLEEP...STOP PUTTING THAT PACIFIER BACK IN MY MOUTH! YES, IT SOOTHES ME AND CALMS ME DOWN, BUT IF THOSE TWO HOLES ARE CLOGGED AND YOU STICK SOMETHING IN THE THIRD, I'M OUTTA OPTIONS LADY!
Mommy: Okay, I'll let you hold me hand.
M: THANKS MOM...I NEED THAT FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU'RE HERE...GETTING SLEEPY...LOVE YOU MOMMY.

He woke up every hour on the hour that night, but he is fighting his way through this cold...his first. Daddy and I are now infected with whatever virus is coming out of our son (from all orifices), but Hailey is healthy as of now (knock wood). He's a good boy...he's just miserable.

Staying In/Going Out

2008-12-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Morning:

H: Matt, it's going to be crappy weather today, so we're going to stay inside...make sure to be awake as much as possible so that we can hang out with Mommy.
M: Good idea...she loves when we're awake and hates when we sleep. She doesn't want to do anything around the house anyway! She must be so sad because when she comes to get us, she smiles at us like crazy...
H: This is going to be her favorite day ever...you'd better not sleep too long!
M: Don't worry...I know how much Mommy wants to play with us all day! I won't let her down!

On Tuesday the naps lasts for 40-45 minutes and the babies wanted to be up the rest of the time. I'm not against spending time with them, but I need a break sometimes!!! In their favor, they were pleasant to be around and only got really ornery when I was at tutoring and Daddy was taking care of them.

Wednesday Morning:

H: Matt, I heard Mommy say that she wanted to get out of the house today and finish up some stuff for Christmas.
M: What? It's freaking cold out there!
H: Yeah, let's sleep for a really long time, wake up to eat, and then go back to sleep.
M: I'm with you sister!

Let's Get Daddy

2008-12-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

M: Hailey, what day is it?
H: It's Tuesday...I know what you're thinking.
M: Yeah...Mommy goes to tutoring and Daddy has to do the "witching hour" with us...
H: Oh, this is going to be fun...especially since I'm not napping normally anymore. I'm exhausted and have no idea what to do with myself half the time!
M: I know...it's funny to watch them try to entertain you so you won't do that annoying cry/whine.
H: Yeah...they're wrapped around my finger.

Enter Daddy...he just got home from a long day at work and would love to get something to eat, but Mommy immediately passes off the babies and runs to get dressed. She has two errands to run before tutoring and doesn't want to be late!

Daddy stares at her in disbelief as she quickly exits the room. He proceeds to take his shirt off (doesn't want to get spit up on) and get down on the floor like a good Daddy...all the while, Brie, our dog, is basically attacking him b/c she thinks he came home specifically to walk her!

M: Oh, Daddy looks happy to see us! He's smiling...I think I'll smile back!
H: I know...I love when he comes home...a new face to smile at. I'm going to smile too. If we don't, he may just get right up and leave again!
M: No...he loves us way too much.

Mommy comes down, fully dressed now. She grabs her bag, some snacks, kisses the babies and Daddy, and heads out for 3 glorious hours of tutoring. Civilization can now welcome her back!

H: Damn...I'm hungry!
M: Me too! I don't get it...Mommy just fed us! Why are we hungry again?
H: I don't know, but I'm going to let Daddy know. WAH! WAH! WAH!!
M: He looks confused. Oh look...he's dancing...that's too funny! hahahahahahaha!!!
H: Okay, that got my mind off eating for like a second. Now he's singing? God, he's pulling out all the stops and Mommy's only been gone for a few minutes!

Daddy proceeds to play with the babies for about 45 minutes. At this point, Hailey has a complete meltdown.

H: I'm frigging exhausted...I can't control myself anymore. All I can do it cry, sob, cough, and look pitifully at Daddy.
M: It is pretty pitiful...good thing I'm still happy!
Daddy: Okay, Hailey, we're going to take a little nap now...let's go upstairs.
H: NOOOOOOOO!!!! I DONT' WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! WAH! WAH!! WAH!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMNED CRIB!!!! WWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
M: Hi Daddy! Do you want to play with me? I smile a lot and will listen to your singing...plus, I know that if I'm quiet, you'll let me watch SportsCenter with you...Mommy doesn't do that! Yayayayayaayyyy!!!
H: Okay, I'll sleep for like 10 minutes, but you're not going to like me when I wake up!

10 minutes later...Hailey starts wailing and Daddy goes up to get her.

M: No, Daddy...don't leave me! Don't put me in the swing!! I neeeed you!!! DADDY!!!
H: Hey buddy! Thanks for getting me out of here. I still don't know what to do with myself and I'm even hungrier b/c I spent most of the time up here trying to get out of my swaddle. I've worked up quite an appetite.
Daddy: Hi little girl...I love my Hailey. Let's go downstairs to play.
H: Play? I don't think so...we're going to eat.
M: WAH! WAH! WAH!!!! Hailey...get him to give us some food!
H: He is not getting it...he's just like Mommy sometimes. Don't they know what they're doing?
M: Apparently not!
H & M: WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Daddy: Guys...Mommy told me you wouldn't be ready to eat until 6:45 - 7:00. What's going on?
H & M: WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Daddy: Okay, I'll go make bottles...wait here for a minute.
H & M: WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Daddy: Here are the bottles...let's get you guys set up...oh man, I'm starving.
H: Too bad! Feed us now!
M: It's so close...why does he have to put a bib on me? I need that bottle in my mouth RIGHT NOW!!!
H: Relax dude...it's coming!
Daddy: Okay, here you go.
H & M: silence...

They win again!

I Can Stay Up Longer Than You Can...

2008-11-29T18:28:00.000-08:00

H: Matt, Mommy and Daddy are cleaning...what's up with that?
M: I don't know...that rarely happens...I thought I heard Daddy say something about someone coming to visit.
H: Oh sweet! I can't wait to meet new people. I mean Mommy and Daddy are okay, but we need some new faces, you know?
M: I'm with you...you can only smile at the same person so many times before it feels contrived!
H: Okay, let's pretend to nap for a while and we can talk about how we're going to act cute for our guests...we really need to sell it!

One hour later...

H: Okay, they're getting here soon...let's get Mommy and Daddy to feed us so we're all ready for our guests.
M: Yeah baby! I'm starved! Mommy just got out of the shower though...shouldn't we wait for her to get her makeup on?
H: Alright, but she's not drying her hair!
M: Deal...

10 minutes later...

M: WAAAHHHH!!!!
H: WAH! WAH! WAH!!

Daddy comes in, changes the babies, and brings them downstairs. Mommy is bitching about how she's going to look like a drowned rat and Daddy is trying to calm her down by telling her she looks great...she knows the truth, but has no choice but to feed the babies.

15 minutes later...the guests arrive.

M: Hailey, they're here!
H: I know...and we're not even finished eating! Quick, finish your bottle so we can greet them!
M: Slurp, slurp, grunt, slurp...
H: Okay, I'm done...oh no...I've got a gigantic bubble in my chest. Time to deal with all of that patting.
M: I'm done...BURP! Good, now I'm done with that too. Look, they love us...they think we're cute!
H: I can't...trying to burp...ugh...this hurts!
M: I'm getting passed off...quick Hailey...don't get left behind!
H: BURP!!! Okay, who wants me...oh no...I spit up...now no one will want to hold me!!!
M: Hahahahahaha!!! That sucks for you!
H: Oh no...Mommy is changing my outfit...in front of our guests! I'm so embarrassed!!!
M: Who cares? I'd take my clothes off for free right now!
H: Animal!

One hour later...

H: I'm so tired...I can barely keep my eyes open.
M: I know...I keep pinching myself so that I can stay downstairs with our new friends.
H: That's a good idea...oh no...too late...they're taking me upstairs!
M: So long sucker!

15 minutes later...

M: Oh no...they're putting me in the swing so they can eat...I can't fight it...need to sleep...maybe just for a little while...zzzzzzzzzz.....
H: Okay, time to get up! Who wants to hold me! What? You're eating dinner now? You're putting me in the bouncy? Why the hell did I get up then? This sucks! Matt...wake up!
M: Wha? What happened? What's going on? How did you get back down here? How long was I asleep? Why did you wake me up?
H: This is an emergency...they're eating and no one is holding us!
M: You're kidding...we can't stand for this!
H: I know...do something!!!
M: WAHHHHHHH! That should do it.
H: Ummmm...I think they're ignoring you thinking you might go back to sleep...look, here comes Daddy and he's putting the plastic thing back in your mouth...guess it didn't work!
M: Oh yeah? Wait until you see how red my face gets...guaranteed he get worried.
H: Holy cow! That's not normal! He's telling Mommy...they probably think you're choking or something.
M: Okay, that was the longest I held my breath - EVER! Cool...Mommy is going to pick me up...I'm going to eat with the adults! What is "eating" anyway?
H: You sold me out with your "red face" act. I need to think of something...

15 minutes later...

H: Ooooh! Everyone is coming back into the living room! Hello all! How was dinner? Who me? I'm fine...just hanging out.
M: Look, they're making bottles.
H: I wouldn't be so excited...at this time of night and since we've slept so little, bottles will do nothing but make us tired.
M: Oh crap...I forgot about that.

20 minutes later...

H & M: So sleepy...bottles soooo good...can't stay awake...good night guests.
M: Great, they're changing us in front of our guests again.
H: NOT THE DIAPERS!!! IS NOTHING SACRED???

30 minutes later...babies are upstairs and have actually fallen asleep...they hear the guests leaving...

H & M: GOOD NIGHT GUESTS...THANKS FOR COMING OVER AND HOLDING US!!!

This translates to Mommy and Daddy as "wah, wah, wah...we're up again" and they come running upstairs to put us to sleep.

H: I bet I can stay up longer than you tonight...Mommy and Daddy want to spend more time with me...I just know it.
M: Good luck with that...I'm going to sleep!
H: wah, wah, wah...yes, my slaves...tuck me in again...hahahahaa!

Hand Holding

2008-11-26T07:47:00.001-08:00

H: Matthew, I really like when you hold my hand.
M: I know...that's why I do it.
H: You're a good brother.
M: Thanks...love you...

Does she really think that taking us shopping will help?

2008-11-24T18:38:00.000-08:00

M: I can't believe she's putting us down for our morning nap...I'm not really tired.
H: Well, I am...I'm going to sleep for about 45 minutes. Wake me up then, okay?
M: Okay...I'll just lie here and grunt. Oh cool...Mommy's getting in the shower...she'll be up for anything.

45 minutes later

M: Hailey, wake up!
H: What's that sound?
M: I think Mommy went down to dry her hair...she didn't want to wake us up.
H: Silly Mommy...doesn't she know there's a clock in here...we are in control of our own sleep patterns... not her!
M: Let's get out of here...WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
H: Wah! Wah! Wah! I'm still a little tired...I'll let you do most of the work!
M: WAAAAAAHHHH!!! ARRRRGHHHHH!!!

Mommy enters the room...hair half dry and half wet.

M: Oh Mom...that's a new look!
H: Gross! I hope she's not leaving it like that!
M: Oh great...she's wrapping me back up like a burrito...why does she do this?
H: She's shoving that stupid plastic thing in my mouth!!! Gross...I'll spit it back out! Shit! She's shoving it back in! I'll allow it only because I don't want her hair staying like that!

10 minutes later

M: I'm freaking BORED!!!
H: Me too...what do you think she'll do with us if we get up right now?
M: Let's find out! WWWWAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Mommy enters...hair is now dry, but quite frizzy...she hasn't gotten to the straightening iron yet.

Mommy: Okay, guys...let's get out of here. I have to get dressed and then we'll get moving.
H: Get moving? What the hell does that mean?
M: Maybe she's going to make us lie on our tummies again...I'm getting pretty good at that.
H: Well, I'm not! I just lie there and lick and blanket!
M: I am the best...I get my head so much higher than you! I puke a lot, but I'm still better than you.
H: That's because I'm not trying! Ooooh, I just pooped. Mommy should enjoy that little surprise. She always acts so happy about poop...it's poop! What's so exciting?
M: It's exciting for me!
H: You're weird.

Mommy enters...she's now dressed, hair is straight, and she smells yummy. Babies get changed, into carriers, into car, and into Kohl's. Babies are great at Kohl's...they are cute for all of the interested parties and don't cry the whole time. They even allow Mommy to pile things up so that they can't see her anymore. It's only because there are Christmas presents for them in the bottom of the stroller. Then we walk to the car and they start bawling...must be getting close to feeding time at the zoo.

M: Cool, we're home...I'm freaking starving!
H: Me too...which one of us should tell her?
M: I think we should both tell her...I'm sick of being the heavy.
H: Okay.
H & M: WAAAAAHHHHH!!! DON'T PLAY WITH US...FEED US!!! GET US OFF THIS FREAKING FLOOR AND ONTO THE BOPPY PILLOWS...GET A NIPPLE IN OUR MOUTH!!!
M: Oh my God...I'm really starting to freak out...I don't think I've ever screamed this loud...I can't stop...oh shit...there go the tears...real tears! I'm losing my breath! I'm coughing! This is ridiculous! I can't pull it back!!!
H: You're insane. Calm down...she's getting the bottles right now.
M: (now nearly hyperventilating) I can't stop Hailey...please help me...I can't breathe...MUST EAT NOW!!!

Mommy enters with two bottles and shoves them in the babies' faces.

H: Mmmmmmm....good....so groggy that I can't keep the bottle in my mouth.
M: Arrrghhhhh...grunt...grunt...grunt...stop talking...you're disturbing my digestion.
H: Did she really think that Kohl's would help?
M: Rookie.

Oh, you're trying to shower?

2008-11-24T18:09:00.001-08:00

M: I think that Daddy is dying Mommy's hair...that means that she has 30 minutes to let the color sink in...what can we plan in 30 minutes?
H: Oh...we can do a lot of damage in that amount of time...especially because they think that we're napping...try not to make a lot of noise...you know how loud you can be when you get excited.
M: Yeah...okay.

30 minutes later and much plotting finished...

M: Okay, did you hear Daddy just go out to walk Brie? That means that Mommy is here all by herself.
H: Heh, heh, heh...that's right. Let's just give out one yelp right now.
M: Okay...you do it.
H: Waaaahhhh!!!
(Mommy comes in, gives Hailey her binky, and wraps her back up...Hailey pretends to fall back to sleep...Mommy leaves the room ever so quietly)
M: OMG! It worked! She totally bought it!
H: Yeah...I know...I'm pretty awesome.
M: There goes the shower...get ready for some action!
H: Oh Matt...we have to leave enough time for her to get the hair dye out of her hair...that could do a lot of damage and I don't want to be walking around with a bald Mommy because the hair dye burned her hair off!
M: Good thinking...what would people think?

7 minutes later (Mommy has washed the dye out of her hair and has just applied the extra special conditioner that comes with dye in a box)

M: Here goes...I'm going to have to make this extra loud because Mommy is in the shower, so cover your ears.
H: God, you amaze me with your range of pitch and volume...you should record an album, you know?
M: Maybe someday...but first, we need to carry out our plan.
H: Good luck...take a deep breath!
M: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
M: Do you think she heard me?
H: I think that Fidel Castro heard you! That is truly phenomenal!
M: I know...I've been working on that one.
H: Oh, here she comes...I'll throw in a couple too. WAAAAHHH!!! WAHHHHH!!!

Door opens and Mommy comes flying in...the shower is still on...she goes over to Matthew's crib...

H: OH MY GOD!!! She's naked...that's freaking hysterical! I can't believe she's naked!
M: I know! What's in her hair??? Oh my God...she's leaking all over me! Oh wait...she's not leaking...she's dripping!
H: What? She couldn't grab a towel? You must have really freaked her out!
M: I guess so...oh shit, she's trying to wrap me back up again...she's getting water all over my face!
H: Let her have it!
M: WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
H: Oh my god...that was the loudest that you've ever screamed...she's really freaking out. Let me give her one...she won't know where to turn! I still can't believe she's naked!
H: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!! WAH!!!
M: She totally up shit's creek now...she has no idea what to do!
H: Oh God...now she's trying to calm me down...you're right! She's dripping all over the place! Oh gross...get off of me!
M: Where is she going? She can't go downstairs...she's naked! What if someone sees her?
H: She's going to slip down those stairs...I just know it!
M: Okay, that wouldn't really be funny right now, but it would in a few years...right?
H: Oh yeah...totally hysterical.
M: What does she have with her? The bouncy chair? I didn't see that coming!
H: What? Is she going to dry herself off with the thing that we sit in? Great idea Mom...
M: Oh no...she's taking me out of here...good luck Hailey! You're on your own now!
H: WAAHHH! WAH! WAH! WAH!!!

Mommy puts Matt in the bouncer, gives Hailey back her binky, and turns the water back on.

H: Hey! This isn't what I had in mind! How do I get out of here???
M: I can't fight it...warm air and raindrops sound so good...I must sit here and look at the lights on the bouncy. Can't torture Mommy anymore!
H: This sucks! I want to get out of here...no one can hear my cries...Matthew - HELP!!!
M: Hailey...just cry louder!
H: I can't! I'm physically unable to cry above the shower!
M: Sorry man...I'm chilling!

Mommy gets the conditioner rinsed out of her hair and gets out of the shower. She manages to get her slippers on when she hears dear Hailey.

H: WAH! WAH! WAH!! Oh cool...Daddy's home with Brie. I know he'll take me out of here and in the process, I'll make it look like Mommy was ignoring me! WAH! WAH! WAH!

Daddy goes upstairs just as Mommy is opening the bathroom door...she only has her slippers on...Matthew finds this hysterical.

M: Oh my God! Mommy is naked again! Doesn't she ever put clothes on?
H: Daddy's taking me downstairs...hahahahaha! You're stuck seeing a naked Mommy! I'm being read a story!
M: Shut up Hailey!

Mommy dresses herself and carries Matthew downstairs. She promptly hands him over to Daddy and starts to make the bottles...

M & H: We win!

How did this start?

2008-11-24T18:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I'm wrong, but I'm convinced that my 3-month old twins know what they're doing. I think that they know how to manipulate me and that they know when I go down the stairs (i.e. away from them). Cognitively, I know how untrue this is, but I feel it in my heart. This blog was started to document their thoughts from my point of view. I love my kids and they crack me up and this is a great way to chronicle what is going through their mind and my own! Enjoy!